I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
