wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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