I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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