I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
