I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everything about him screamed your future.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
