hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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