Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
