I wish i was in the wii world.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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