I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
