I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
