I got chris browned last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
