never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
