Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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