guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
