one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
