problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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