Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
