just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
