I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
