I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Small penises have feelings too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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