dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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