i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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