Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
