She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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