I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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