her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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