Will you blow on my dice?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
