yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
