Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
