yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
