He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
