I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just wanna soil my oats bro
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
