i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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