Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
