Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
