We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
