My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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