so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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