i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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