i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
