I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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