he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
