So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
