Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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