even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
