Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
