I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
