Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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