you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
