OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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