my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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