Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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