my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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