why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
God I need to hump something, right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
