so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize