Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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