Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
