Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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