I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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