the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
