I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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