There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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