does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
