Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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