I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
