if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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