I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
